I was thinking about a blog post I read on a weightloss forum a few days ago...the young woman was talking about loving being fat and that she had no desire to be thinner, but did want to be healthy. She received both encouragement and negative response. I've been thinking about this for the last few days and how I feel about it and thought I would share my thoughts on being fat.
I can't say I am happy to be fat, as having excess body weight has added a slew of health issues for me. Such as high blood pressure, tiredness, pain on my joints and back, a thyroid issue, more fibromyalgia flare-ups...and these are to name just a few.
I've asked myself if I would be happier in a thinner body. From the health perspective probably yes, but it really is a matter of how you define happiness. Personally I think of happiness as a fleeting thing and no matter who fat or skinny I am I can never be happy all the time. There is always going to be times of sadness and discouragement in life. So if I base how I feel about myself on what the scale says it will always come up short.
I am not here to get skinny. I am here to transform my life. It does not matter how much weight I lose, if I am not happy with who I am on the inside I will never be quite satisfied with the outside. Unhappiness will follow me in a skinny body as well as a fat one. So I have decided to not be concerned with weightloss, or at least not gauge my success by how many pounds I lose each week, because frankly there are going to be times when no matter what I do the scale will not budge.
What I am concerned with is what am I doing to love myself more. I see eating healthy and exercising as a way of showing love to myself. You see, I can love myself no matter what size I am. I set goals not only for weighloss, but also for hateloss. That means letting go of all the crap in life that keeps me in a state of emotional unhappiness. Letting go of guilt, shame and self-loathing. Now don't get me wrong, it is much harder to loss self-hate than it is to lose weight. That is why you see so many unhappy thin people as well as fat.
My goals are based on what they can do for me not just in body, but in mind and spirit as well. Am I spending enough time alone by myself? Am I spending enough time with others? Am I spending enough time in Nature? Am I filling my days with uplifting and inspiring words and images? What am I filling my mind with, garbage and negativity (that includes what I tell myself on a daily basis) or am I filling my mind with things that will enhance my thoughts? Good books, music, art, culture...these are all things that add value to my life..am I serving others regularly? Am I taking time to pamper myself? Am I replacing negative self-analysis with positive mantras. Am I overindulging in things that can be harmful to me in mind, body and spirit. Hateloss as well as weightloss takes vigilance. We have to work at it every day, but we must always remember to be gentle with ourselves. Being gentle is part of loving ourselves. When I am gentle with me, I can allow myself to make mistakes and not just throw in the towel each time I do. Accepting that I will make mistakes makes not giving up much easier....this transformation is not a race...it is a journey...a long one at that. The key is finding happiness and joy in all the little successes along the way and forgetting about the end result. Losing weight is just a nice little perk. But losing self-hate is priceless.
Love&Light,
Nirvani
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